Tag Archives: writing

20,284

I’ve written 20,284 words for one of my books. I read that the average non-fiction book is 80,000 pages, which means I’m a little over 25% of the way there! I’ve been writing since April 24th, which means I’ve written all those words in around two weeks, averaging 1267.75 words a day over 16 days. That doesn’t take into account the words in my memoir, and this blog. Over all three projects I’m pretty sure I’m averaging 2,000 words a day. It’s crazy, I feel really excited and kind of addictive.

I want to say it’s all good, but I have to admit that maybe I could be putting more effort into my finals. Today I showed up to the lab at 4 to work on finals and by 7:30 I hadn’t even opened my file. That’s the bad news, the good news is I wrote close to 4,500 and one of the best things I think I’ve ever written.

In my defense I’m at the head of the curve in terms of my final, and I’d say I’m still in the top third of the class. I really have to say, since starting this blog my life feels way better. I’m more productive, losing weight, reaching my goals and it’s finally beging to feel like things are turning around.

Not bad considering I was in fact considering suicide just before I started this blog.

If you’re reading this my advice is stop putting things off. I’ve always wanted to write a book but I feel like I kept waiting for permission. I always thought that if I got just a little more experience I’d be in a position where I deserved the right to write a book. Finally I decided that that day would probably never come, very few of us have those kinds of chances given to us. Sure, Snooki is pushed to write a book even though most people don’t think she can read, but for the rest of us if we want to write we should just write. if you want to learn an instrument pick one up and sign up for classes. Hell, just pick it up!

They say the first step is the hardest, but I’d say it’s the first few. I’ve started a lot of things but finished very few of them, the trick is to work of the momentum to where you can’t stop, where you’re constantly thinking about that next step and you can’t wait to take it.
Once again, the regrets always creep up. Even when I’m succeeding I say to myself “If only you’d been like this your whole life, think of the time you wasted!” But for all I know I never would have been able to achieve my full potential if it wasn’t for the time I think I wasted. I can’t prove that, but it’s possible on one hand and what I have to believe on the other.

If I seem like I repeat things a lot it’s because this blog is for me. I hope it helps you too, but I’d understand if it doesn’t cover an exciting range of topics. The thing for me is we don’t need to know all that much to succeed, for the most part. People are always looking for new strategies but I would wager most of the time that they already have the tools they need but they’re just not using them.

I’d guess you know what you need to do, you just need to let go of your excuses and start doing them.

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Writing to Redemption

I’ve mentioned previously that I’m working on my memoir right now. I’m doing it because I want to and I like the idea of being an artist. I’m not taking it all that seriously so right now it might as well be a glorified journal, which works fine for me. You might be better off journaling, but I find that I can’t stick to writing that no one will ever read. I don’t know if anyone will ever read these blog posts, but at least people can if they want to and they might get something out of it.
As I’m writing I feel like it’s effecting me in ways I never would have guessed. One benefit of a memoir over a journal is that writing your life story makes you sift back through your whole life, not necessarily just dwelling on the present. This is providing me with some interesting perspective. It’s also forcing me to confront some rather painful memories. I think a lot of people, myself included, can be haunted by our pasts but we refuse to aknowledge it. When the bad memories pop up we slam them down and put a lid on them, shoving them out of sight but not really out of mind. We may get these traumas out of the forefront of our thoughts, but I think they can be just as dangerous simmering in the background, casting a shadow over everything we do.

I’m right now confronting some of the things I’ve felt guilty for most of my life. I’m beginning to think that this guilt might have fed into my self-destructive tendencies. If I believe I’m guilty and need to be punished I might subconsciously punish myself or interpret anything done to me as a just punishment for my misdeeds.
You might have things in your past that you’ve never forgiven yourself for. By now I’ve forgiven pretty much everyone who has ever done me wrong over 5 years ago, yet I still hold myself responsible for things I did 20 years ago, long past the point where I’m sure everyone else involved forgot about the whole thing. By now I should be far enough away from these events to see things clearly and allow myself some closure but too often we just get so into the habit of avoiding and suppressing negative emotions that we never really deal with them and allow ourselves the healing we deserve.
I’m sure there are plenty of ways to face the past, I have simply happened on one that works better for me. I think writing a book allows me some distance, I get to treat myself like a literary character and I’m way more forgiving of faults in characters than I am in myself. I also know that a good story doesn’t just have a fall from grace, but a rise from the ashes. I’m not there myself yet, but the urge to write a good ending to my book seems to be giving me the energy and the permission to truly find peace with myself.
Think of your life as a book, what do you think you’d learn if you read it?

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Filed under Memoir