I’m not eating ice cream

The title doesn’t seem worth pointing out, even at my most ice cream eatingest I’m still not eating it 98% of the time. 

But it’s worth saying because I feel like crap right now. My depression is flaring up in a bad way, and usually when I feel like this I say “screw it” and walk over to the 7-11 and buy a pint of Ben and Jerry’s half and half. There’ve been weeks where I went to get junk food there so often that I’d become ashamed to look the night cashier in the face, compounding the depression problem.

The reason I’m not eating ice cream now actually has to do with compounding depression. I found that behavior like that lead to a sort of a vicious cycle. I’d feel like crap, so I’d start eating like crap, which would just make me feel crappier. Suddenly I wouldn’t just be emotionally unwell I”d also have physical symptoms to match.

I feel like here I should have some revelation or something, but I don’t. I still feel like crap and I’m being forced to deal with it without my drug of choice. Still, I guess it’s something to be proud of that I exercised the restraint I did, considering that this wasn’t often the case in the past. I have to say that writing this whole thing feels kind of silly and I sort of want to start berating myself for being over dramatic, but what good will that do anyone? It won’t help me or anyone else.

I guess I actually have to follow my advice and take solace in doing what I can and going from there. At least tomorrow I’ll be a little less fat and a little more energetic then I would have been otherwise.

That’s something.


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